So as it happened, I was watching another episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S., for I don’t know, maybe, the 100th time. However, there was something different this time, something which I kind of failed to notice before. I mean I have laughed heartily each time I have seen it, but this time it was, apart from being funny, sort of a re-enforcement to one of my favorite life lessons. And that too through my all time favorite character of the sitcom, Rachel.
There is this episode when Rachel commits to her friend Mindy to be her bridesmaid for her wedding with Barry, the same Barry Rachel had left at the altar(because she didn’t want to be a shoe.. :P). Well, in case you haven’t seen F.R.I.E.N.D.S, Rachel, like the rest of her family, forced herself into believing that money and status are the perfect reasons to marry someone. However, right before exchanging vows with Barry, she realized that it’s worthless to marry someone without loving him in the first place, & ran from the ceremony.
Anyhow, back to present, she is reconsidering her decision to go to the wedding now that the day has finally arrived. She is scared that people will be judgmental, will put forward a lot of questions, and she’ll be unwanted there. This is a kind of situation we all may have faced some time or the other. Well, not that all of us left our partners at the altar (though it would make a great movie), but we may have had to go to a place we didn’t want to for the fear of being judged. Here, Rachel decides to go to the wedding. She decides she needs to feel good about being among those people. Maybe she thinks she’ll change their opinions in some way.
So, she reaches the wedding ceremony and as expected, finds all the familiar, judging faces, but still keeps telling herself it’s going to be alright. Things could have been bearable, but to top the hilarity of the situation, her already funny bridesmaid dress gets bunched up in such a way that gives, let’s say, a not so dignified view from the rear.
This would have been so humiliating, right? Just imagining such kind of situation gives me chills. You are in your exe’s marriage ceremony, the ex you were about to marry but left at the altar, the pink bridesmaid dress is itself the biggest joke, the audience consists of exactly those people who were witness to your ‘runaway bridal ceremony’, and now you have given those judging people a perfectly embarrassing memory to link with you for the rest of your life. And the party has not even started yet.
I guess in such a situation, the instinct would be to leave the ceremony. To practically sprint in order to avoid any further giggles and rolling eyes of the audience. However, Rachel decides to stay. She tells herself that things can not go any worse. Or so she thought?
Just as Rachel is about to propose a toast for the newly-weds, Mindy tells her that when she left Barry at the altar, Barry and his parents told everybody that the reason for her leaving Barry was because she was sort of insane due to syphilis(What the heck!!). Now this is too unbearable even for Rachel and she decides she’s gonna leave the ceremony. Now as she is about to leave, Barry gets up and makes a comment about her leaving his marriage for the second time and how they all had put a bet on how long she’ll actually stay before eventually running from this one too. And this is the moment that Rachel realizes she doesn’t deserve all of this.
She goes up on the stage, takes the mic and tells Barry that she was determined to make it to at least ‘one of his weddings’. Perfect opportunity to speak out all your anger, right? She should have said a lot of words now that she had the stage, the mike and the audience’s attention. She should have defended herself, exposed Barry and gained people’s acceptance . Instead, she starts singing,
‘Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl..’
What just happened? I mean, why didn’t she tell everyone how wrong Barry was, and how wrong they were to judge her for following her heart, and how she can not be deemed guilty of leaving a person whom she didn’t love. But she does not do any of that. She, instead, starts singing ‘Copacabana by Barry Manilow’ and even gets everyone to join it. It seemed hilarious to me every time I watched this episode. But this time I guess I decoded it. She had mentioned it earlier in the episode that the only other time she was totally humiliated was when as a child, she had to sing ‘Copacabana’ in front of the class and freaked out after singing two lines. This time, however, she decided to face her fears and the humiliation, simply not caring for people’s reactions or judgements.
I was happily surprised to realize this. A big life lesson through subtle comedy. We often forget to cut ourselves some slack. We care way too much about public opinion, blame ourselves for what they think about us, and waste too much time explaining ourselves. This is insane. People will always be judgmental, they’ll always have some kind of opinions. So if I think I’ll do something which will please everyone, well I am damn wrong. I’ll be judged. And I can’t answer anyone, I can just accept the inevitable omnipresence of opinions and judgements, while I simply continue to be me.
I realized that it’s important to face our fears, as they make us stronger. However, there is absolutely no need of explaining ourselves to others in the hope that they won’t be judgmental once we do that. Doing that will mean that we accept people’s opinions about us, and see ourselves through their eyes, which will be, in a way, horribly unfair to our whole being. That we should be absolutely and hopelessly in love with ourselves.
Also, I realized that when in a perfectly embarrassing situation, the best way is to join everyone in laughing at you. There couldn’t be a better alternative. Every body else is laughing maybe because they realized once they too made a fool of themselves (and they’re happy ‘coz this time it’s not them but you). You are laughing simply because you are so hilarious. And also because, admit it, how many options do you actually have in this situation? 😛
Well, what Rachel did was reinforce these beliefs. In fact, from now onwards, whenever I land up in a situation when I feel I’ve had had enough, I would go over the stage, take the mic, and with full vigor of my voice, say..
Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl
With yellow feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to there
She would merengue and do the cha-cha
And while she tried to be a star
Tony always tended bar
Across the crowded floor, they worked from eight till four
They were young and they had each other
Who could ask for more?
At the copa.. Copacabana (Copacabana)
The hottest spot north of Havana (here)
At the copa… Copacabana
Music and passion were always the fashion
And yes, I’m humming this right now.. 😛
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